


A Study In Ignoring Empty Spaces

by citrusfriend



Series: Poetry [14]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Amnesia, Dissociation, Dissociative Amnesia, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Poetry, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Rape Recovery, Repressed Memories, Slam Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-02-08 12:50:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21476305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/citrusfriend/pseuds/citrusfriend
Summary: I have become an expert on ignoring these empty spaces,these aching gaps in my existence.I have learned how to recognize when the staticis building up behind my eyes.
Series: Poetry [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1320233
Comments: 11
Kudos: 5





	A Study In Ignoring Empty Spaces

Sometimes, I can still hear you in a certain series of notes.

Sometimes, I’ll stare into the space in front of me

and see something adjacent to your eyes.

Sometimes, I’ll feel your calluses against my palm when I cry.

Most times, though, I won’t.

I’ll hear something close enough to something close to a memory

that makes me want to hide.

I’ll stare into the air and not really know what I’m seeing.

I’ll scratch at my skin until I bleed because I can feel an echo

of something that I can’t recognize.

I pretend to ignore both of these phenomenons.

I have become an expert on ignoring these empty spaces,

these aching gaps in my existence.

I have learned how to recognize when the static

is building up behind my eyes.

These are not flashbacks, not really.

I don’t see your anger or hear your voice,

but I feel the way that I imagine I did then,

too afraid to focus my eyes

and too young to understand your words.

I have become an expert on ignoring my empty spaces.

I don’t know what filled them to begin with,

but they  _ burn _ now,

so I’ll hollow myself out to match.

I don’t know what caused these empty spaces.

But I imagine that I ignored the memories that created them,

so I’ll ignore my emptiness

and hope that vanishes too.

**Author's Note:**

> 7/8/18


End file.
